Some gotta win, Some gotta lose

Got my pills to ease the pain,
Can't find a thing to stop the rain
I'd love t'try and settle down,
But everybody's leavin' town

Some gotta win, some gotta lose
Good Time Charlie's got the blues
Good Time Charlie's got the blues
Danny Okeefe

I have come to believe that a significant piece of Parkinson’s is about being tired.  Being tired because I have not slept well or maybe it is the drugs or is it that PD effectively places some kind of drag line on my body. I wake up every morning, take my pills and give the best I have to battle a losing cause.  When I awaken it takes time for the shakes to begin and it also takes a while for the drugs to be absorbed and begin their assigned tasks.  Once that time has passed there are days when I can feel their soothing influence sweep over me.  I put my hand out in front and look at it and then I pick up my coffee cup and say for the umpteenth time, “look, no shakes”. With the good unfortunately there is usually a wave of not so good. On those days a fog of tiredness accompanies the relief from tremors and makes me want to return to bed.  There are other mornings when lightheadedness demands my return to bed until it passes.  Once in bed it is a great feeling to stretch out and remove every bit of excess strain and to feel released from PD if even for a short while. 


As the day progresses there are windows of time when the drugs can be remarkably effective and I find myself wondering why all the fuss?  So why have I quit driving?  I look beside my desk and am soothed by the sight of my sleeping yellow dog at my feet.  She rests in complete peace, she lives for the day to day and never questions God’s justice.  Upstairs is my peacefully sleeping wife who also does not question the perfection of God’s justice either.  Their love, His love, for me has never wavered and I feel humbled and selfish when I think of them.  I also feel very tired and desire the rest that only sleep can give and at times PD can make very hard to get.

Shakey in Coupeville